I’m thrilled you made it here to my first ever surgical six write up. I’m sure you’re wondering “is this fuckin degen even qualified to write an article?”, damn right I am, I minored in journalism alright pal, so stfu and lock in cuz i’m bout to spoon feed you the most surgical six you’ve ever seen for this week 12 slate of games.

Before you digest my breakdown behind each game, I wanna keep it real with you. I’m not gunna spit out bullshit stats with betting splits and trends, if that’s what you’re looking for go ahead and click on Krabs articles. I’m going strictly off vibes, gut calls and heavy favorites that better not fucking lose.

Full transparency, it’s week 12 and i’ve only hit one surgical six so far this season, however, that one surgical six was +1000 and I had $1,000 on it, so we’re technically only down $1,000. Things could be a lot worse, but we’re still alive and we have 6 weeks left to make a profit on the season. 

Without further or due, let’s discuss the surgical six picks for the week. Strap in, shits hitting.

If this Patriots lose this game i’ll genuinely cut my balls off and feed it to the coyote that lingers in my backyard. This Bengals defense couldn’t even stop me if I was in the slot catching passes. Drake Maye has been playing MVP football and will torch this defense for his first career game with 300+ passing yards. I will be locking that in on prizepicks for sure. Will I be shocked if the Bengals fuck around and win outright? No, this shit happens every week. It’s one of those games where you click and pray and hope it’s a blowout so you can focus on the sweatier ones. Pats ML for a mortal mega, we move.

This is where some of yall might be turned off. The Chiefs have been playing like absolute dog shit. They look like a shell of themselves. They just lost AGAIN to the fake good broncos in a crucial divisional game, and they’re sitting at 5-5 for the first time in the Mahomes era. They have the Colts this week, the best team in the NFL (arguably) and you’re telling me the Chiefs are -180 to win? The books want you to click Indy ML at plus chicken, no one wants to back the Chiefs. This is when you nuke. I think the Chiefs game plan will be to stop all facets of Jonathan Taylor in the run game and force Daniel Jones to throw. This will be one of Jones’ toughest environments he’s played in as the starter for the Colts. Give me Mahomes in a big game in late November at home to get the job done. Kelce 4.5 receptions is also a mortal, i’ll be on that too.

The Packers are honestly so fuckin terrible, I genuinely hate putting them in the surgical six because I have to watch horrific product take place on the field for 4 quarters. But you know who fuckin sucks even more? Nine. What an absolutely horrific name for an alter ego to give yourself. Honestly everything has kinda went to shit for the Vikings since he came out publically with his alter ego bullshit. Vikings have been a free fade almost every week. Mccarthy is gunna throw the ball 40 times in this game, i’ll be on his over pass attempts on prizepicks for sure. I expect the Packers D-line to absolutely destroy JJ and put up enough offense to get the job done. 

The Bears have so much aura man how can you not root for this team. Every single Bears game has been fuckin insane, and goat whale Caleb Williams has been pulling some fuckin wizardry to get his team in 1st place of the NFC North. The sportsbooks have not been respecting the bears nearly as much as they should despite the recent success. They’ve hardly had any games where they are heavy favorites, and even when they’re dogs they still respect coin. This sorry ass steelers team doesn’t have what it takes to go into chilly Chicago and take down the red hot Bears, i’m just not buying it. Rogers is banged up, the run game kinda blows, and the Bears defense matches up well. I expect this game to be just as crazy as the other bears games we’ve watched the last few weeks, and it’s not gunna be an easy win. Bears win, Caleb gets the job done and Odunze goes crazy for 100+ yards which i’ll be taking on prizepicks.

The only team I hate watching more than the Packers are the fucking Philadelphia Eagles. How can team be so awful to watch, and have multiple star players bitching on the sidelines, yet still have a 8-2 record? Never seen anything like it honestly. Anyways, the Cowboys just shined on primetime as the offense put up 30+ points against the moose shit Raiders. Now everyone wants to buy in on the Cowboys potentially making the playoffs LOL. The same shit happens every year. Cowboys get a little hot and now all the Dallas slurpers get their hopes high for a playoff birth. It’s still the Dallas Cowboys, they fucking suck. They will lose by double digits to this Eagles team. I will say the Cowboys D-line is pretty sick, I expect Jalen Hurts to be forced to escape the pocket on multiple occasions and win this game with his legs, cuz god knows he can’t fuckin throw a ball 20+ yards. I’ll be on Hurts rush attempts on prizepicks, Eagles win by 13.

Finally, we made it to Carrie. The tuck me into bed Sunday night spot to cash the parlay. What a better way to get tucked than to have Carrie take us home with the Rams on SNF. This Rams team is actually goated low key. They could fuck around and win the Super Bowl. The Bucs don’t have the same aura they had in weeks 1-5. They’re banged up on both sides of the ball, and this Rams offense will take advantage of that all night. Devante Adams is scoring a touchdown and will be going over his fantasy score on prizepicks. If the Rams lose this game and sell the surgical six by the last leg i’ll dead ass wear a Santa Clause costume the entire month of December on surgical stream. 

Well there you have it folks. That is a perfectly hand crafted +900 surgical six spoon fed by yours truly. There is always some fluke shit that comes with every surgical six, and honestly that’s why we play the game. I look forward to seeing which team is gunna fuck this up for us, cuz it’s always 1. The parlays always look fantastic on paper, and then you turn the TV on and the game starts and ask yourself what the fuck is going on how are we already down 14. Regardless of the outcome, there’s nothing more I love then to sweat out six moneylines on a Sunday evening, and I hope you’re ready to start bitching. Regardless what happens; we ride.